Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Decisions...decisions

It's a mild morning in my piece of the Earth. Love having the birds singing and eating and flying around the yard every day. (The cats love watching them, too!) (And I love watching the cats watching the birds :)) So many days I sit with my journal writing pros and cons about whether to keep my studio/shop, and I keep coming to the decision to keep it for now...waiting for someone to rent the old Stove Shop in front, hoping that will make a difference by being an attraction for people, and if they go there they should see my flag and sign and stop in to see what I have to offer. That hasn't happened yet and it's a guessing and waiting game. The restaurant is not open for lunch, so it makes no sense to spend time there because no one stops in when I do sit there. There is no other affordable place to move my studio, so it's Pinewood Park or home. Home is where my heart is, and I have more work I need to do at home than I'd like. My 10 cats are here and love my company, so why am I constantly looking to do something away from home? I have been pondering the fact that I actually prefer to be alone. People cause too many problems, cause stress and emotional pain and hurt feelings, and through this type of communication (email, Facebook, Twitter, blogs,) people still find a way to argue and cause undo stress. There is too much that is misunderstood, especially when communicating with those in other countries. Some, or most Europeans get insulted at the drop of a hat. Then before you know it, you're no longer communicating anymore. I feel that is such a shame, but it goes along with the territory using this kind of communication. But that's water under the bridge. I just think about how much energy and resources I have spent on relationships via email, blogs, and other social networks and the end result is still the same, I end up retreating and wanting to be alone. Then there comes a time when I want to "share" again and go back to these networks only to be disappointed once again. So I am here in the quiet where no one is scolding me for what I write, and maybe no one reads, or maybe someone reads, so what does it matter. If I want a following and feedback I should be among the masses and work at collecting thousands of followers. But that isn't what I want. With the masses comes the conflict because you can't please everyone. If you have conflict with one other person, imagine how much you would have with hundreds and thousands. God Bless the people in the entertainment field and those who are famous and very well known. You have to be super tough and a social butterfly to invite that into your life. I am living in the reverse of that, and I am comfortable with my choice. However, I still want to share my paintings and my Stones of Galilee, and have found that the one thing that seems to work is to do the work myself but place it in another's physical space to get my art to the public (masses) including other's web sites such as Fine Art America. However things are so slow economically, things are moving at a turtle's pace. So, I keep writing, sitting at my PC, and I do find some comfort and intimacy being alone with my thoughts. I could also do the same with pen and paper, and so I do both. Since I have taken a vacation from Facebook and left my blog address there, any of my FB friends can find me here if they want to. I have a new follower, Ann, and wonder if it's Ann from FB, maybe she will let me know. Thank you for stopping by! :) This conversation with myself can go on and on...so many components involved. I am so into living by the direction my intuition takes me...I have so much here at home...and people can be so cruel "out there" I keep thinking about what Carolyn Myss said in a story about a writer, I forget which woman it was, had to be a cloister...always wore white, and had to write all the time. I wonder if I would be happy just to be at home writing and sitting in my makeshift chapel, and reading my sacred books, while at the same time living in the real world that I share with my husband. I find peace in solitude. Giving up my studio seems to be getting closer and closer, as it's only expensive storage. I am going to close on that note...I still have the upstairs cats to feed, so if anyone "out there" has read this, thank you for your interest. If no one will read this, I am at peace that I have this outlet to write down my thoughts and feelings. Good Morning ~

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